A University of Tennessee student traveled to New York City during spring break in March 2006 for an eight day vacation with her boyfriend.
Kathryn Robertson and her boyfriend Brian Smith both flew into New York City on the first Saturday of spring break, staying until the following Sunday. During their visit, they toured the city and saw several different shows.
Robertson and Smith spent most of their time in Times Square, as it was the most adventurous place in the city.
“There was always something different going on, and with all the billboards, there was a lot to look at while walking around,” Robertson said.
She was also able to visit ground zero, Chinatown and a few other areas of the city.
One of the craziest parts of her trip was when she saw the naked cowboy walking in the city, singing while playing his guitar.
“It was really weird.” Robertson said. “He was this random guy that walks around in his underwear, singing a song he made up about himself.”
During her visit, Robertson and Smith attended a few shows, such as“Chicago,” “The Producers,” and a comedy club, which featured several performers featured on Comedy Central Network. They also watched a taping of the MTV show TRL, where she saw Seth Green and Kelly Slater.
At the taping of TRL, Robertson was given an American Eagle gift bag, as the network was doing its annual spring break special, containing different beach items. She was first given a boy bag due to a shortage in girl bags, but was able to exchange it for $130 store credit at one of the company’s stores.
Her least favorite part of the city was when she saw ground zero.
“It was sad to see the empty area without the towers, and the whole area surrounding it was plain, and very quiet,” Robertson commented.
Robertson said that she had a good time on her trip to New York City. When asked if she would ever return, she said, “I definitely would.”
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2 comments:
--Using what we’ve talked about in class, maybe you shouldn’t use actual names in the lead because these people aren’t prominent. Your second paragraph should contain something to add on to the lead, instead of diving into the narrative.
--Clarify March of what year in the lead.
--There is an unnecessary comma after Seth Green and there are some unneeded words: like in “She was at first given…”—you can take out 'at'.
--Possibly describe the naked cowboy and get rid of that out-of-place quotation mark in that paragraph.
**I like the amount of quotes put into the article. They each had something to add to the story.
**I would just watch some of the wordiness, which I also tend to do. And don’t forget to remind the reader who says who with the quotes.
Much better, Michael. I think the lead could be more specific - such as describing Kathryn's favorite part of the trip. As is, the lead is broad.
Watch punctuation problems, redundancy and AP style rules. Specifically, use the verb "said." And don't write, "When asked..., she said..." Avoid that phrasing. Just write what she said.
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