A Summertown resident was ecstatic to learn of her acceptance into her first choice college for the fall of 2005.
“It was kind of creepy,” McFall said. “I was at work, and I just had a feeling. I called my grandmother and told her to check the mail.”
A letter was in their mailbox addressed to McFall from the University. She anxiously opened the letter upon her return to home after work and learned of her acceptance. However, no one was around to share the excitement with her.
The other family members’ reaction to her achievement was somewhat different. Her father disliked the financial aspect of the situation. Her grandmother hated to see her granddaughter leave. And her boyfriend was disappointed about the distance that would be between them.
“It was rather depressing,” McFall said. “No one took it well.”
But today, McFall does not regret her decision. She also had applied to
She said she especially enjoys the atmosphere of the school’s location.
“My town doesn’t even have a traffic light,” McFall said. “This city isn’t quite as big as I expected, but I really like it here.”
McFall is a journalism student at the University with dreams of writing music reviews for Rolling Stone magazine. She currently is involved with the campus’ Student Government Association Volunteer Action, where she serves at a soup kitchen and assists at the local Boys and Girls Club.
3 comments:
Suggestions for the story “Summertown Resident Joins Knoxville Community”
-The lead could be expanded to include the name of the resident.
-The last name of the person is used excessively at some points. Pronouns could be inserted to simplify possibly.
-In the 7th paragraph, the part saying they offered her more money doesn’t seem to fit in, as no mention of money given by UT was mentioned.
Comment by Michael Samarin
Good job, overall. Watch punctuation issues. And keep up the good writing.
congrat Dara, I alway knew you would suceed
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